Emotional post

This post is gonna be quite emotional I guess. Because it's 2am plus now and as usual, I can't fall asleep as there will be so many things running through my mind. I'm gonna write out how I really feel deep down in my heart that I have not really say it out, because I don't know who can I say to and how to say it. So let's begin! (I got a feeling I will regret the next morning for typing such emotional stuff but yolo right)

This thing has always been haunting me almost every night. Is that I will think of going back to 4 years ago. 4 years ago, I met someone so important to me that I gave up on almost everything I would say. I drifted away from many people, I do know all these. I just don't say. Back then, I can say that I was the happiest girl in the world. I met someone I was really in love with, and he was really nice to me. His shoulder was always there for me when I needed one, I could just break down in front of him and he would comfort me and stuff. His ears were there for me whenever I was angst or whatsoever, I could just rant out everything and he would stand by my side no matter what. Everyday, I complaint to him how much I hated school but he never fails to be there to cheer me up and made me forget everything that I was unhappy about. Occasionally, we would have some mini outings. He was someone who is freaking lazy to travel, he just like to stay in his comfort zone and would prefer to laze around at home, but because of me, we travelled to many places. He would bring me to have my favorite food such as steak etc. There were too many things that he did for me to list down. Initially when we got together, many were judging us as our backgrounds were different? Idk. But we received many comments like saying we won't last long. We proved them wrong. Although we did have many quarrels, but we would overcome them. We always solve our problems together. I do have some attitude problem, and I know there were a couple of times when I talked in a manner that nobody can stand it. But never once did he hit me. He always said he wanted to hit me, but he just don't bear to do it to me. But in the end, I lost to myself. I am the one who broke this relationship. I screwed up everything. We did break up once. He tried to secure the relationship, we patched back, but I was always the one taking things for granted. Finally, we let go and moved on with our life.

Sometimes, I will think of going back to 4 years ago. I was so happy back then. There was someone there for me, someone there to shower me love. But if given a chance. I will still make the same decision. I don't regret on the things I do. I just can't help but reminisce the past. Right now, I know he is leading a happy life. I wanted to tell him this but I just don't know how to say it, I will wish him all the best in his current life, and I'm glad he is happy now.

As of me, I moved on too. I learnt how to be independent. From depending on someone for so many years, someone who was always there for me, my world only revolve around him, to someone who have to face the world alone. I am really glad that I met many people who helped me through along the way. :')

Right now, I have someone who I cannot let go. I won't go into details of this person. I will just say, this person stands a very important place in my heart. It's too complicated for me to elaborate. So, what's revolving around my life now is my family, friends, him, fangirling and getai. Hahaha. I will like to add on to the fangirling and getai part, it's actually a way for me to relieve my stress and put down all my sorrow. Don't judge me on that. Everyone has their own interest, that's my interest lol.